WESTERN UNION

We all have a relative or relatives overseas you know, "majuu" as we like to call it. If you don't, then you know someone who won't shut up because of the relative abroad as if they have done anything significant in their lives other than the occasional phone call! Well, that said it would be safe to mention that I have relatives spread out across the globe. Not that I am bragging or anything, it’s just the fact. I keep in touch with some, others not so much.

The beauty of having people majuu, is that they give that occasional phone call, they come visiting with lots of gifts (mostly hand me downs) and if yours are as good as mine, they will leave you their unlocked gadgets which cost a fortune here. So hand me down or not, if it's tech I'll have it any time of the year!! You get to go out with your relatives, and they don't spare any money for a good time. But the best is not the spending, but when they promise some foreign currency and you keep ticking calendar dates waiting for them dollars!!

Yes, I tick the calendar on my promises and this was no exception. I can count the fantasies I had about my dollars. What I would do with my dollars, was way beyond what Sport Pesa and Kwachua Mamilioni promotions could do! Needless to say, the amount in question couldn't probably get beyond five digits (the first digit inclusive), but my imagination is my own. You can do with yours whatever you wish. Mine would certainly make me anything I wanted to be. 

I had been following the money markets. The dollar had been holding steady at KES. 93. It started with following the Forex rates. Just the dollar at first. But I have a small collection of East African currencies in safe keeping, The Rand, Euro, and one that I have no idea belongs to what country but it is peach in color and has a man drawn on it, and language symbols that look like hieroglyphics!! I know you don't know it, but it’s okay. I don't either. 

The dollar rose to KES. 95. I thought the money couldn't be sent at a better time. By this time, I had started taking online Forex classes, and even knew a few terminologies. Candles, for instance. I would have sworn that candles could only mean the wax molding we light in case of a blackout. Turns out they are indicators in a Forex trade chart. So my ignorance was fading, which is a good thing. I subscribed to Forex platforms such as the MT4 and Gwazy by Windsor, which was great because I got called every Thursday afternoon by my accounts person who made follow up on my progress.

At KES. 97, I wanted to just call up my relative and ask that the money be sent before the shilling gained. My eyelid was twitching, signs that something exciting was going to happen. I prayed that it was my dollars. The dollar was still gaining, I was getting more excited by the day. KES. 101, and I wanted to go to the money changers. I knew not to go to the bank, they wouldn't offer me a good deal. By this time, my eyelid was twitching so hard, I thought I had some sort of deficiency. But that would be cured by my sweet dollars!!

KES. 105. My palm was itchy. I was scratching. It was so sweet, I was smelling the dollars at Money Gram, and Dahabshiil. I had the Gwazy app on my phone. My demo account was doing well. They were virtual dollars, but I felt like they were real!! Then one day, after a morning nap, the message came in. It was Western Union!!!

Mum, i told U a gud wife comes frm God, Am stil in Sudan en kids in Germany, hv sent $200,000, thro Western Union: Q.India: A.Qatar: mtcn No.5031084641: Mi Mike,plz cal

Only one problem though. I don't know anyone in Sudan, and the one who had made me the promise was not my suitor, but a cousin!! So much for paying attention to superstitions! Kenyan cons, NKT!!